Okay, Pepper and I were RPing on AIM last night and the result was too good to not share. Crossposted from The Padded Cell.

Background: This grew out of a scene squirrel where Spike and Carly were eating sushi.

[19:47] eponaharper: *snerks* And maybe Spike and Raoul trying to out manly-man each other with the wasabi paste.
[19:48] eponaharper: I think Spike would win. He's followed Sparkplug all over the globe. He's been introduced to REALLY hot food.
[19:48] SunstoneWEAPON: *dies*
[19:48] SunstoneWEAPON: Yes.
[19:48] eponaharper: Carly: Ready, set...GO!
[19:49] eponaharper: (Spike and Raoul pop grape-sized globs of wasabi in their mouths)
[19:49] eponaharper: Spike: *calm* ...
[19:49] SunstoneWEAPON: Raoul: *steady* ...
[19:50] eponaharper: Spike: *eyebrow quirk*
[19:50] SunstoneWEAPON: Raoul: *peaceful smile*
[19:51] eponaharper: Spike: *leans back, puts his hands behind his head and smirks as he rolls it around in his mouth and swallows slowly and deliberately*
[19:51] SunstoneWEAPON: Raoul: *....sticks head in a bucket of water*
[19:51] eponaharper: Carly: Tha WINNAH!
[19:51] SunstoneWEAPON: Raoul: AAAGH!
[19:51] eponaharper: Bumblebee: *turns to Sideswipe* Pay up!
[19:52] SunstoneWEAPON: Sideswipe: Raoul, dude, you let me down. *pays*
[19:52] eponaharper: Spike: You should see me with Tibetan Death Sauce.
[19:52] SunstoneWEAPON: Raoul: *towel plz* ...I don't wanna know.
[19:53] eponaharper: Carly: *hands Spike a glass of water* I know you don't need it, but I'm not kissing you until you rinse your mouth out.
[19:53] SunstoneWEAPON: Sideswipe: *...snicker*
[19:53] eponaharper: Spike: *sighs* If you insist.
[19:53] eponaharper: Perceptor: And...the point of all this was?
[19:55] SunstoneWEAPON: Raoul: *snrks* The point of all this was to compare peen size.
[19:56] eponaharper: Perceptor: Ahhh! A competition for alpha male status. So Spike now has breeding rights with the females here?
[19:57] eponaharper: Spike: *choke*
[19:57] eponaharper: Carly: *deathglare*
[19:57] eponaharper: Bumblebee: *facepalm*
[19:57] SunstoneWEAPON: Sideswipe: *dies!*
[19:58] SunstoneWEAPON: Raoul: *hastily backpedals* I wasn't mackin' on anybody's woman!
[19:58] eponaharper: Perceptor: *oblivious to reactions* I must admit, this is a much more civilized way to go about it as opposed to bloody duels or wrestling matches...
[19:59] SunstoneWEAPON: Sideswipe: *rolling on the ground*
[19:59] eponaharper: Bumblebee: Perceptor! Stop now before you sign your own death warrant!
[20:00] eponaharper: Perceptor: *puzzled* I don't understand what all the fuss is about. Humans obviously have a tribal structure which is related to the pack or troop structure of non-sentient predators. The attainment of Alpha status is a fascinating study.
[20:01] eponaharper: Spike: *looks like he wants to try to slide through the deckplates and vanish*
[20:02] SunstoneWEAPON: Sparkplug: I'm not sure whether I should be proud of you or not, son.
[20:02] eponaharper: Spike: Go away. Let me die in peace.
[20:02] SunstoneWEAPON: Sparkplug: *snickers*
[20:03] eponaharper: Carly: Perceptor! Let. It. Drop!
[20:04] eponaharper: Perceptor: Come now, Carly. You have a logical mind and you surely see what has just been inacted. In fact, you yourself offered Spike a mating prelude as reward for his increased status.
[20:04] eponaharper: Bumblebee: *mentally starts composing Perceptor's eulogy*
[20:04] SunstoneWEAPON: Sideswipe: Oh Primus, Perce, you're killin' me...
[20:05] eponaharper: Carly: Youuuu....
[20:05] SunstoneWEAPON: Raoul: *wisely hides*
[20:05] eponaharper: Spike: *puts a restraining hand on her arm* Hey, love. He's not worth the headaches killing him would give you. Think of the paperwork Prowl would have you do.
[20:06] SunstoneWEAPON: ((XD Optimus probably says that to himself more often than he'd like to admit.))
[20:06] eponaharper: ((Of course! "I can't kill him. It would require forms in triplicate if I did.))
[20:07] SunstoneWEAPON: (("Cleanup paperwork, next-of-kin paperwork - well, since his next of kin is Sunstreaker..."))
[20:10] eponaharper: Perceptor: *sigh* I simply do not comprehend your attitudes here. It is a perfectly natural extension of your biology and evolutionary imperatives.
[20:10] eponaharper: Spike: They're freaking PRIVATE imperatives!
[20:12] SunstoneWEAPON: Sideswipe: Dude, no one's askin' you to mate in public. *...grins* Yet.
[20:12] eponaharper: Spike: *deathglare*
[20:13] eponaharper: Carly: *Double deathglare*
[20:13] SunstoneWEAPON: Sideswipe: *....transforms. Nobody here but us Lambos.*
[20:13] eponaharper: Perceptor: *giving up on the two of them* And you, Raoul. Are you content with Beta status or will you be attempting to usurp Spike's position soon?
[20:14] SunstoneWEAPON: Raoul: *groans and headdesks* I told you, I don't want Spike's girl!
[20:14] eponaharper: Perceptor: But...since she is the alpha female of this particular social grouping...
[20:15] eponaharper: Carly: *muttering* One day...one day, he'll need repairs. And I WILL be there!
[20:15] SunstoneWEAPON: Raoul: *sighs* You're taking this "troop of predators" thing waaaaay too far.
[20:16] eponaharper: Perceptor: *reasonably* Well, if you have absolutely no interest, why did you try for the rank of Alpha in the first place?
[20:16] SunstoneWEAPON: Raoul: Y'know, when I said we were comparing peen size, I was making a joke...
[20:17] eponaharper: Bumblebee: Maybe you should go talk to Skids. He's got a handle on how social structures grew out of evolutionary troop dynamics.
[20:17] eponaharper: Perceptor: *very puzzled* You were? But that was the one thing that made your whole exercise make sense!
[20:18] SunstoneWEAPON: Raoul: And what in God's green earth makes you think humans are s'osed to make sense?
[20:18] eponaharper: Perceptor: *starts to speak...then pauses...*
[20:19] eponaharper: Perceptor: *grim determination* Everything makes sense once you have enough data!
[20:19] SunstoneWEAPON: Raoul: *dryly* Yeah. Good luck with that.
[20:19] eponaharper: Spike: *snerks* Yeah. Just keep on thinking that, Percy.

*giggles madly and runs away*